My husband is doing very well also. He now has time and free conscience to get into things he likes, and is very contented. He's lost all his "friends" but my father and brother have really stepped into the breach and taken him in socially. He is preparing for the future. He was only a jw for maybe four years this time around, in contrast to my 14 so the indoctrination wasn't as strong for him.
Julia Orwell
JoinedPosts by Julia Orwell
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26
"Is my life now more meaningful, and am I happier?"
by Julia Orwell inso the question is posed in this week's watchtower study at our former cult's houses of indoctrination.
i should like to answer it, and i should like to hear your answers too.. the question is in two parts, and i shall address each one in turn.. q. is my life more meaningful?.
my life is more meaningful.
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26
"Is my life now more meaningful, and am I happier?"
by Julia Orwell inso the question is posed in this week's watchtower study at our former cult's houses of indoctrination.
i should like to answer it, and i should like to hear your answers too.. the question is in two parts, and i shall address each one in turn.. q. is my life more meaningful?.
my life is more meaningful.
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Julia Orwell
Thanks guys! The JW religion likes people to be losers and miserable but hey, we are breaking free of that.
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36
The eldaaaars again!!
by ILoveTTATT inafter two months of not coming to my house, today about two hours ago, one of the elders that came two months ago came to my house.
he was in serve-us with other brothers from the spanish cong and came into my house with a friend of mine (not another elder).
he said he wanted to talk to me, and he said it in front of my mom and my dad (both were there).. what was interesting is that it seems like it will be a one-on-one for half-hour.
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Julia Orwell
I dealt with them by deflecting them really. I would make small talk, ask about non-JW things and talk about what I was up to ie my work and that. THey'd start steering it toward JW things by saying, "Everyone at the KH misses you..." and I'd parry it by saying, "Yeaaaah." or "You get that." and then change the subject. One thing I learned from over a decade of being a JW in a non-JW home was how to deflect difficult questions, change the subject or find a reason to leave the room. It is a skill that helped me in my fade, and so I slipped through their nets. They don't bother me anymore.
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26
"Is my life now more meaningful, and am I happier?"
by Julia Orwell inso the question is posed in this week's watchtower study at our former cult's houses of indoctrination.
i should like to answer it, and i should like to hear your answers too.. the question is in two parts, and i shall address each one in turn.. q. is my life more meaningful?.
my life is more meaningful.
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Julia Orwell
So the question is posed in this week's WatchTower study at our former cult's houses of indoctrination.
I should like to answer it, and I should like to hear your answers too.
The question is in two parts, and I shall address each one in turn.
Q. Is my life more meaningful?
A. Yes. My life is more meaningful. I am free of the WT-induced guilt and fear, feelings which hindered any feeling of 'meaning' in life. If you live in fear, your meaning in life is just to survive. Just surviving or existing does not make you happy- just ask any refugee living near starvation in a stinking camp. But yes, now I am free of that fear and pressure, I find tremendous meaning in my improved relationship with my family, especially my beloved mother who suffered so much grief at my hands during the years I was a JW. My life has more meaning because instead of being in a sort of limbo waiting for Armageddon, I am moving on with my life. My husband and I have been approved for a home loan, and we have just put in an offer on a little house. We will not be like so many JWs in their 70's who still rent and are struggling on the pension.
Our little house, should our offer and finance be accepted, will give us meaning as we can make it our own by renovating it and know we can never be asked to leave it or have the payments increased. As a renter who has to get permission from the landlord to hang a picture, these are very meaningful perks. We shall also have some equity which can help us provide for ourselves when we can no longer work.
I am also finding meaning in my work. After years of working a WT approved 'job' that nearly paralysed my brain (but afforded me time to go to meetings) I am now pursuing my teaching career. I love working with teenagers, and am setting up my own tutoring/academic coaching business, as well as doing substitute teaching until I can work my way into a cozy school. I am also taking some online courses to help me improve in my subject knowledge. That and, I have set myself up as a bit of an artist and have already received commissions and sold prints. I have also taken a summer job at a water slide park, which I love immensely because I get to meet lots of happy people and families, and derive meaning from providing excellent service.
Q. Am I happier?
A. I am happier, and have medical evidence to prove it. I am on half the antidepressant medication I was as a JW, my anxiety disorder has disappeared, I no longer wake up screaming from nightmares every night (or taking valium to suppress them) and my physical welbeing is increasing.
I am infinitely happier that I can be myself with no-one judging me.
I am infinitely happier that I can use my time to develop meaning.
I am infinitely happier that I can believe what I find to be true through my historical research, and can talk about it freely to my friends and family.
My family tell me they've never seen me so happy. Without guilt and fear and sheer mental exhaustion, it is easy to find happiness in even simple things like sitting on the couch with the cat. I am no longer so exhausted from being torn apart by cognitive dissonnance and the mental gymnastics needed to reconcile it. That leaves me with more energy to devote to things from which I derive meaning, such as family, study, literature, knowledge, art and work.
I am open to explore, as my father used to tell me when I was younger when in frustration he would say, "Sheree, the world is your oyster. You are wasting your time with this mob." He always referred to the cult as "this mob" or "your mob". And he was right. I gave up opportunities to be a damn good teacher, writer, artist, musician, contracts administrator, intrepid traveller, and swapped it for a life of conformity and rigidity.
And although now my health is shot from the cult and my energetic 20's are now behind me, I am happy. Happy that I can be, happy that I can surround myself with love and meaning, and not live in that oppressive atmosphere that made me physically and mentally ill.
Thank you for reading.
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36
Weekend Warning - Family May be after You Come Sunday, be ready.
by LostGeneration inthe wt this weekend:.
help those who have become inactive.. jesus said that there is joy in.
heaven when just one lost sheep is.
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Julia Orwell
Ooooh Black Sheep, tell us more!
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What do you say if you get asked "Are you an Apostate?"
by KateWild ini am reuniting with past students and return visits.. i met up with a young lad i used to call on.
he is not baptised, but at university in his 20's and living away from home.
his mother is a jw and his father is not.
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Julia Orwell
I've actually said the following: "I was baptized Anglican when I was a kid, and I left the Anglicans and became a jw, so technically I'm an apostate to the Anglican church." The elder had no comeback for that one.
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Weekend Warning - Family May be after You Come Sunday, be ready.
by LostGeneration inthe wt this weekend:.
help those who have become inactive.. jesus said that there is joy in.
heaven when just one lost sheep is.
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Julia Orwell
Hey, a purple plastic toy can make Jehovah sad so he's one emotionally sensitive dude.
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How to Cause a Hardcore JW Brain to Malfunction
by Apognophos ini am leaving it to the reader to decide whether this trick is funny in a cruel way, or potentially beneficial.
it can definitely be used for evil, that is to say, personal amusement.
then again, it could be a kind way to help someone start thinking outside the box.
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Julia Orwell
Tried something similar with the fds thing and the jw just said, "but that's what we've always believed.." this from a jw of 40 years.
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marriage without affection/sex/touching
by zeb inyes thats my situation.
some where along the path of life the wt guilt trip was dumped on our marriage and we havent had sex for years.. anyone else?
the hearts and flowers and gifts and doing the cleaning, the house work and paying the daily accounts never being drunk on drugs playing the horses or screwing others yep its all there but nothing coming back due to the wt guilt trip.. they made so much of 'oral sex' and 'pornea' incorrectly quoted at that and ventured thereby into areas they were patently very ill equipped to comment on.
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Julia Orwell
Guys this is terrible. Listen to yourselves. You have this lovely woman you been with for years anf you want to drop her the minute she can't perform. I have all those stupid watchtower inhibitions and I want so much to do this or that sex thing but the watchtower conditioning is so strong even though I'm out, I just don't know where to begin. Also, stress can kill a woman's drive and anyone who's been in the wt has tonnes of that even when they leave.
So I can't perform because of that wt stress right now and other stressful things too, and I explain it to my husband and apologize. He says he understands but is he like you men who can't wait to ditch your woman?
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I can't believe how sexist the Borg is!!!
by quellycatface injust letting off a bit more steam.
why can't sisters look after the library or the sound.
what makes the brothers so damned special???.
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Julia Orwell
"Even in my questionable state my status was ranked higher than a sister. But in my questionable state I could not read. In some cases the sister had already read the first paragraph or so. What did the conductor do?"
Been there, done that. The conductor had me hand the reading over to the newly baptised brother who was there with his newborn baby and wife!